Wednesday, December 19, 2007
woah! it has been more than 1month since my last post. i can literally see cobwebs hanging in my blog. lols. the past month equates to DAMN BUSY. chiong report datelines, prepare for presentations, study my psychology tests. haix. stressed and totally worn out. not enough sleep for the whole few weeks. pek chek. finally the 2weeks break is here, but no difference made. cause when school reopens, projects, presentations and reports follow through. plus another dreadful stuff: tests! argh. simply no life at all. soon soon there will be exams for GOM & GBE. year 2 semester 2 is like a breeze to me. so fast-paced with no stopagges. please spare some thought for DTRM students!
with help from jaz and miss tan, light was shredded onto the facts that how badly he treated me. realization struck upon me and i am able to pull myself out of the emotional turmoil before i sink deeper. definitely i did feel pain when the damage was done. yet the experience is valuable. i learn to be stronger on my feet and not let anyone change the person i am. the self-identification is very important. due to psychology, it dawns on me that i'm a mixture of visual, kinematics and auditory digital person. thus, if someone is to bring some light in my gloomy love life, it will be quite vital that he meets my requirements for those aspects.
visually: i have a fantansy of how he must look like to capture my attention. stands at 1.75m or above. with a slightly V-shaped body. cool tattoos on chest or arms. neat-pressed formal wear. folded-up sleeves will be cool. clean-shaven (i think goatee is special). nice smell of cologne (e.g beverly hills polo club, calvin klein's eternity, hugo boss). a car is a plus point (:
feelings and thinkings should be assessed together. he certainly has to respect me, no hurling insults or raising his voice at him. i do not want an abusive relationship and i believe everything can be sorted out peacefully if both parties are willing. he must love me for who i am and accept me the way i am. i think it is very difficult to change a person's character, but both should accommodate each other's intolerable points in a relationship. hey, no one is perfect. love can overcome the inperfectness of a relationship. he must communicate with me, as in really talk to me, sharing about his everyday life and his views on certain stuffs. i strongly feel that communication is the only link that holds a relationship together. sometimes we need people to remind us about certain stuffs, hence communication plays a part. he has to set his priorities correctly. work and studies are of course important and not to be neglected. but having a girlfriend is also a responsibility. there is no reason for he to keep me in a cold room while claiming that we are together. he has to be humanely caring and sensitive to my needs. i need a word of concern from him when i am sick. i think this is very basic act of care and concern for the one you love. if he can't even perform this small act naturally, he may as well have a relationship with a non-living thing which will never ever fall sick. being sensitive to my needs is just another act of concern. i believe i am not that unreasonable to throw tantrums at him for no particular reason. simply asking is to check on things you do not know or unaware of . this simple act can warm a person's heart.
patience is a virtue here. it takes time, really the time, to understand the person well enough and determine whether he is suitable. and for the trust to build up. trust ain't something that can be verbally expressed. it is a feeling, a gradually building up feeling. this may be a barrier for me as i have many doubts in this world. some things just cannot be rushed, or else you will end up hurting yourself badly.
i know it has been a long time since the last update. i don't know if you guys will come back to check, but it does not matter. i feel the urge to change my blog address, maybe to wordpress. the intention is to keep the pieces of memories buried here.
